The Five Worst Horror Movies Of All Time

TV & Film

Dec 2

Horror is a special genre.

Often seen as a low-brown genre, despite giving us some of the best and most influential films of all time, such as The Exorcist, Halloween, and The Silence of the Lambs, the latter of which is one of only three films to sweep the “Big Five” at the Academy Awards. However, it is admittedly undeniable that when horror fails, it can fail hard. This is naturally true of any genre, as I could make this list for any one of them, but I love horror and have seen a lot of it, so I’m making a horror list. As such, here are my picks for the five worst horror movies.

Some small notes before we begin. I am trying to avoid the famously bad ones for the most part. As such, you won’t see films like Birdemic or Troll 2 on here. We all know that they’re atrocious, and it’s no fun to make another list just like all the rest. Also, I haven’t seen every bad horror movie out there, so keep that in mind as well. I know that The Exorcist 2 is one of the worst things ever put to film, but I haven’t seen it, so it’s not fair to comment on it. So, without further ado, in no particular order…

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5. Hellraiser: Revelations

There aren’t really any great early Hellraiser movies except the first one, and you could argue that the second one has its merits as well. However, outside of that, it’s been one disappointment after another (largely because few, if any, of the sequels started as Hellraiser movies, being random scripts that had Pinhead forced into them) culminating in Revelations. The film has the typical fare of a nonsensical plot, bad acting, and worse dialogue. Beyond that, though, the film isn’t any fun at all. The irritating part was that no thought or care was put into the movie because the film wasn’t intended to be any good.

Dimension Films only had a few weeks to make it or lose the rights to the Hellraiser franchise. It was released in theaters, but only for a small crew showing that was ostensibly open to the public. It’s also the first film not to feature Doug Bradley as Pinhead because he knew how horrible it would be. If you know the state of all of the other Hellraiser sequels, you know that’s saying something.

But hey, we got Hellraiser: Judgement a few years later, and that one wasn’t so bad.

4. Thankskilling

It’s a movie about a killer turkey during Thanksgiving. It had a few moments that were a little funny, but on the whole, it’s a total slog to get through. The film seemingly had a budget of ten dollars, and that’s painfully apparent in every shot. The filmmakers were clearly banking on the turkey being funny to carry the film, but outside of one or two moments, he’s just groan-inducing. At one point, he says he’s killing because Native Americans had their land stolen, something that really doesn’t fit in a film like this. The human characters are the sort of bland, annoying stereotypes that you’d expect to see in a film like this.

Ultimately, it commits the cardinal sin of any movie: it’s boring. You’d think that a film with a killer turkey would put some effort into being at least entertainingly bad, but whatever effort was given failed on all fronts. At best, the movie is something to watch with a few friends while laughing at it, but even then, there are better movies to do that with. Skip this one.

3. Winnie The Pooh: Blood And Honey

Horror tends to go through cycles. In the 1980s, we had the slasher genre. In the early 2000s, we had remakes of Asian films such as The Grudge and The Ring. In the past few years, one of the big subgenres we’ve seen pop up is the childhood character killer films. While Blood and Honey isn’t close to being the first horror movie based on a childhood character, it is certainly the most infamous, garnering a three percent approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes and five Golden Raspberry wins, including Worst Picture. These wins were all thoroughly deserved. The opening animation is solid, and the first scene in the Hundred Acre Wood has some slight tension in the beginning, but once killer Pooh and Piglet “grace” the screen, it’s all downhill from there.

The writing is awful enough that they wouldn’t work even if the masks didn’t look like something purchased from Spirit Halloween for five bucks. The characters are all highly unmemorable except for maybe the final girl, and their combined intelligence wouldn’t match a dodo’s, and they have similar survival instincts. By the time they realize that they’re in trouble, they still have a working car and working cellphones!!! Oy. The film is a nonsensical mess that should only be viewed with friends as a drinking game with snacks. I would know. Oddly enough, the sequel isn’t the worst thing ever.

2. The Mouse Trap

Take the first handful of sentences from the previous entry and paste them here. Once Disney’s Steamboat Willie became public domain, something they’ve been fighting against for years, people jumped on the opportunity to do what they wanted. That includes a film about a group of friends trapped in a sort of Dave and Busters kind of arcade who are hunted by their manager, who is wearing a possessed Steamboat Willie mask, which gives him the power to teleport unless he has a flashlight pointed at him. Yeah, it’s about as awful as it sounds.

The film is further dragged down by a horrifically acted framing device that adds pretty much nothing and forces the film to grind to a screeching halt every time. It’s billed as a “horror comedy” that is neither scary nor funny. The worst part is that the kills aren’t even fun. Usually, in bad slasher movies, you can point to one or two halfway entertaining kills, but no such luck here. The movie is only 80 minutes long, and you can feel every one of them. There’s no point in watching this. Spend your time on better things. Like watching paint dry or the football game between the Raiders and Vikings that had the final score of 3-0.

1. #Horror

Have you ever wanted to watch a slasher movie starring annoying middle schoolers that forgets that it’s a slasher movie throughout most of the movie that is mostly just the characters being awful to each other? Yes? Firstly, you have questionable tastes in movies, and secondly, this is the movie for you! It’s laughably trying to be commentary on how obsessed we are with our phones and the culture of people trying to become internet famous, but they don’t do it in a clever or interesting way. The vast majority of the movie is just the characters whining in a way that reminds you of nails on a chalkboard while bullying each other. Maybe this is how shallow middle schoolers treat their “friends.” I don’t know. Probably. Middle school is horrible. However, that doesn’t make for a pleasant viewing experience, especially since the film wants us to sympathize with them as well. It’s irritating, because the film does have solid actors in it. Timothy Hutton gave an Oscar-winning performance in a Best Picture-winning movie, and Chloë Sevigny has an Oscar nomination of her own. Each plot point goes exactly where you think it will, you don’t believe the red herring is the killer for a single second, and the ultimate reveal of the killer is groan-inducingly obvious. This is a solidly 0/10 movie that has nothing going for it. I’d happily watch the other four films on this list before firing this one up again.

Bad horror movies can be a lot of fun. I have had days where I go on a streaming service like Netflix or Shudder just to see what hidden schlock I can find. However, just because a horror film is bad doesn’t mean it’s fun. The five films on this list are perfect examples of that.

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